We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
