listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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