I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
