i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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