Sry I called you an 8
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
