Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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