I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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