do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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