And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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