I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
