Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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