The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
