Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
