Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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