i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
