its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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