And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
