Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
