Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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