Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
