he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
