Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
