we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
