The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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