I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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