I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
