Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
