Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
