My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
