please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
