Swine flu. Run for my life!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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