all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
