He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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