Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
