C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
