apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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