I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
