Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize