No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
