what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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