I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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