Betty ford says i'm here all night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
