her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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