Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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