I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
