the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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