Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think your dad took our porno
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
