we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
