Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".