Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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