some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just blew my weed a kiss
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..