Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.