The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Buhtt sex?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
