I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
