since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
