I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
