I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
