I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
