A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
