Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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