Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
