Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
