Sry I called you an 8
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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