Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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