Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
