Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Come on in and take your pants off
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