Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
