Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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