let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
