so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
