My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
