I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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