so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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