After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
