So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
