Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
