ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
